elements of life

i taught you once
the makings of life
sun and water
dust and wind
wind and fire
sun and dust

and i recalled mentioning
different tastes; bitter sour
sweet salty pungent
that make up memories
of life

remember when we reminded
each other the sounds that made
life horses on carousel
pebbles skipping on the surface
of the sea, and eggs splattered
on the scalp?

and i taught you what was
frightening rapid footsteps along
the alley the silence
of cicadas, dogs grunting
and ripping of soft cloth....

and of things that were
visually terrifying; purrulent
prominences barren remains
of vitality and
the darkness

that now is the
canopy underneath which
i find no
sustenance.....

in this city where i love you

fluorescent spectacle
ignites sparkles of
inert tensions and that
invisible torture and,
i wonder in the nocturnal silence
of frightful pessimism of impending
praecoxial pathological,

suffering inconsistent with wishful
thinking and prayers
and heartfelt personal perusal
with frequency; like the need for
river to taste the freedom of the sea;
or vast contents of your ocean.

in this city where i love you
the colourless caricatures of
humanity distorts
me - my reality, perceptions
thoughts as apathy, indolence
perpetually attempt to override
this constancy,

i surrender
not out of fatigue
not out of dehydrated wills of
obdurating struggles
but out of penetrated
personage and solitary
mortality.

22.04.05

in retrospect, i might say i'm kinda lucky. sometimes i can fail doing certain things that i don't wanna fail doing. hey failure is an innate human attribute. to quantify failure to succeed as failure of ballistic proportions is to overexaggerate that failure. anyway i'm refering to countless tests and assessments that i take, not so much for the purpose of academic memory retention capabilities but more so, i think at least, to train us to become humble creatures who know when to say no or i don't know under different circumstances.
the good thing about the frequency is that it acts as a ever-present reminder of expected subconcious humility. but the other perspective which deserve critisism is that doing so does not actually serve the academic purpose, what more its practicality in application to real life situations. first and foremost the questions asked are not related to diseases or situations that one is likely to find in Singapore. i think u can't even find them in like the most populated cities in the world. even siberia doesnt have it! ok lame yah that's ike a DUH! for example there was this question asking whether or not some of the options below are complictions of DM. i mean they could be for all u know but the names of the conditions are incomprehensible try "iridis roseosomeshitidon'tknowwhat" like whaddaheckisdat? i'm not lamenting. it's already part and parcel of this medical school life, anyway, i passed them all sometimes not even stdying for it, haha (wink* Wink*).....there's a trick i learned answering all those questions. must pepper your answers with certain keywords that examiners like to see. so of course different specialties wuld have different words. like in family medicne u can't go wrong saying ICE (ideas, expectation, concerns), in A&Eur ABCs (airway, breathing, circulation) in geriatrics ur ADLs / iADLs / ECAQ in psyciatry ur ACTMAD? and the whole lot. i think the challenge for med students like myself and i'm sure many others out there is the immense workload and hippocampal exacerbation that we all undergo that is uncompensated and compounded by the sheer fact that most of us suffer from amnesia or memory leakage to some "bermuda triangle" part of the brain.
but put it this way if most of the medical predecessors can do it why not us? what was their strategy? how did they cope? hhmmm..mysteries. so i tried solving them. once i tried going around the medical fraternity (and maternity sorry girls!) to ask this one burning question," How did you do it?"
What i got from most of them were crapshitloaddastuff. really. ok not all. some were like," i don't know man..it's just one hell of a journey, lucky i passed!!" (THANKS! that helps) Another went like," aiyah sure pass one so long as u know ur stuff and go through it consistently..really. eh i have to go see ya and all teh best ok?" ( yeah so what stuff?) and one went," oh you see you have to check wh ur tutor is b4 the test find out how he or she is like etc....bla3 n went on reviewing the whole possibilities, differentials and management and even added in some quizzes for me..(how thoughtful ah as u can see some people).....
no comments.
speaking of academics. i had a test today. internal medicine. quite oklah. except for the mind blogging stuff on Mitral regurgitation, basics on upper motor neuron lesion and causes of hypokalemia, like where have all my brain matter gone!! waiting for Prof to go through answers.

speaking of internal medicne, i saw this doctor who so damn bloody rude to the nurse, ok it's a murse, plus so sarcastic. i mean yah he( i won't mention any names nor hospitals) might be post-call or something but that aint no way to talk to the murse man. i mean that snappy turtle, make that koala cos i think he looks like one was like rude over some trivial matter regarding some patient's case sheet.

didnt get to see much today. maybe i should start documenting all the cases i saw for the day here. just for reference. note: just for reference so that next time i'll know!

read one whole paper on Asian American Poets and their struggle to find their space their voice in the american mainstream without compromising their cultural identity. they also have another problem, that the diversity of the plethora of Asian American experience makes it difficult for one to define what it means to identify oneself as Asian American.
But as they try to forge common grounds, fight stereotypes, preserving their cultural roots, i think it is imperative that they try to also at the sametime to re-define and possibly change the mindset of AngloSaxon dominated notions of what it entails to be mainstream, that diversity exists and needs to be acknowledge. Some of my favourite poets are Marilyn Chin, Li-Young Lee, Maxine Hong Kingston, John Yau, Lawson Fusao INada and Sharon Hashimoto....many many more. i think their experiences are interesting. plus they have trans-generational differences that promote diversified trials and tribulations. i extol them for their works. i think it's a good way of for one learning Asian history through recollections of 1st hand encounters and secondly to seek to understand the Western society better through the eyes, ears, and words (esp written ones) of our counterparts!

right UG class was ok. i thought Pat was cranky.. but he seems to enjoy himself so whaddaheck! haha. i enjoyed it for one. all the partner work and the jazzy stuff that he does, i mean arabesque and saut......but the steps were nice haha....
okies time to sleep shit its already 3am! man!!

anaemic venture

in deep waters i tread
cautiously; for the trench beneath
the sea that keeps me buoyant
lies unseen, unknown, unexplained

uncertainties; flaming igniting
genuine curiosity, killing imagination
perpetuating engines of
futuristic revolution

fatigue overrides mental deter-
mination, still i float
now not of life that struggles for
pursuits and endeavours,

but of lifelessness that
permeates my body
and soul, of impending
calamity of miscomputation.

ok medicine postings always suck! patients keep sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. oklah they need to rest i know but i need to see you guys too you know. sobz.
saw a peritoneal tap being done today. cool....i bet it was the medical officer's first time doing it. i can't imagine doing procedures next time man, like "dr. taufik, could you have a chest tube inserted into patient at bed 18, and later i need you to remove an central venous line from bed 6 and yes catheterise the male patient over at bed 14 when you are done with the 2 of them." shit! and right now i'm like slacking over at the medical student's lounge thinking what to do with the rest of day. maybe later i'll go some more patients who are NOT sleeping but then again if they are not sleeping they would have relatives visiting them and yes youb can't disturb them already until all these relatives go away.
so yes i wanna see the guy with pneumonia, hepatomegaly and transcient ischaemic attck man!
why why? this always happens to me.like firstly i'm male and secondly i dont speak like the other 20 languages and dialects they have here! darn.
nonetheless i seek to compensate that with smiles and friendly gestures with hope that they will permit me to examine their bellies eyes and such!

identity

i’ve learnt

the ways of the rude

to hold reality in a new logic,

debate with hard and loud facts.

but i too am humble, respecting,

man and life.

i am not a new man,

not very different

from you;

the people and cities

of coastal ports

taught me not to brood

over a foreign world,

suffer difficulties

or fear possibilities.

i am you,

freed from the village,

its soils and ways,

independent, because

i have found myself.

14 hrs of waiting, dancing, waiting and dancing to an end. an one that's worth i too. and if anyone reads this, it's true i'm the happiest person alive! there's so many memories, workin with the white hoods and knockout, great! great! great! the whole story; actually i thought coming at 8 was crap and Ahmad and myself thought like what the hell?! ok so it's like never mind ur not the only one suffering. but when i got to my motorbike that morning, i thought here comes my first test! i had to carry so many things, like bananas, myself, ahmad(ok he's not a thing), the pill! and i felt like you know this 5 minutes are gg to be like a heck of a circus ride but it was ok, tough and though we look like some circus, it was cool...image man.......image.
so the day starts and there was no breakfast, i almost lost it. plus they won't allow us to get food from outside like JUST outside. ok never mind that everyone started to like read somethin..damn funny...yeah and peter was busy doing something else i can;t remember what exactly and all i saw in that secluded, claustrophobic inducing room was the 'competition' entering. the smudges, hwachong institution, those peeps from saint andrew's (called themselves Saint-sation i think) and the lot. yeah so afterwards came the cycle of like waiting where we crapped and crapped and bitched and bitched and bitched and all that. so we had like one rehearsal, then one full dress b4 the actual thing. in between we came out with a lot of shit like how the face of contemp music looks like, hip hop and breaking, learning cartwheels and staying there, grooving to other people's music and mocking others'. yea according to peter we wil be like you know, having to do all the cartwheels and stunts and six steps and all that b boy thingy by the time he comes back. and i'm like," right........" and he's like," yah right..."
oh shit! that does it lah.
but thinking of better things i can't help that while we were hving the full dress rehearsal, Carrie chong and Daniel Ong were like looking at us with jaw dropping awe that i forgot my steps (ok lah that one was really forget steps, sorry lah!)
bout the opening item i'm like ok what's this gonna be like and after rozana said something about zaki being a bitch and diva and all i can't help but have a biased first impression (thanks!). so yes my comments aside, i thought that the openign was so creative and meticulously choreographed and i like the idea of person working with so many dancers and the idea of scolding them and screaming and them and making them do things all over again and and ok...i'll leave my fantasies to myself....... but anyway it turned out visually impressive. i was impressive! ok a bit narcassistc there haha! pose and dance and pose and we were so hyper. the rest would attest to that!
yup then came the real show! like i was so hyper, everyone is so hyper. and i'm like so full of adrenaline and everyone else too. we were adrenalised. we danced like no one's business and we still think that we couldn't win. hhmmm.....humble or what people. good lah.
and while we waited for the results we can't help but exhiliratingly shout about the fact that we did it we did it and yes we did it and still not thinking that we would win? funny......
then b4 the results there were like those little boys dancing and struting and grooving their stuff man. they are like so cool they can pop lock and dance. so i gave all of them high fives afterwards, except one who got a high ten.
up there on stage,we were like hugging and waiting and hugging and waiting and waitng with bated breaths and unduly worry as Daniel kept us in suspence, his version of it at least! thanks dan!
then he and carrie said," WHAK!!!!!!"
aarrgggghh
aaaarrggghhh
aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh
then smiled cause i don't want my face to look bad on TV haha....
somehow i thought i shook Charles' had like he was my hommie..dammit. this hip hop thing's gotta know how to be mutually exclusive. thus, with da verdict, we jump and jumped and some cried and others kept smiling, look cynical and like mentally retarded but for the camera's sake. whatever......
then came an episode of wild photo taking and stunt shows and all that. no press statements that's good! but jiexiao warned us that we might be anywhere. what's that supposed to mean? porn also can... ok ok kidding. so yeah all the supporters and helpers came to shake hands and getting reay to lepak and all. i met Wan Ting, Ridhwan and MElvin, crazy people! it's been so long.
and my friends came to support me, and i didnt have my digital camera with me! damn it...anyway they desrve special mention like zahdan, myra, shahidah and hashrin really thanks for coming.
and my sister too, it was her birthday but i forgot to wish her. so she waited for me to get home and pretended to sleep (plus she left the light on....how obvious is that!!!) so that i can wake her up and wish her happy birthday. desperate or what. 14 yr olds...(roll eyes). sheesshhh. bitchy or what?
talking bout being bitchy i think ahmad's got the potential to be the mother bitch, so i was thinking maybe we bitches can start a club u know...like a club by bitches for bitches who bitch bout other bitches who don't know we have a bitch club! but than again......in Blast! everday is a bitch someone day! if not someone...it's everyone bitch bout everyone else! Blast! culture..secondarily. Primary to some!


afterwards..........
we lepaked at like East coast macdonald's like there;s 25 of us. how rowdy is that! and we were like gonna celebrate jimmy's birthday n he doesn't know bout it. so after like cock talkin and suan-ning people and him, Bob came up with a brilliant idea on how to get him away and talk bout his "problems" somewhere so that we can get his cake that we placed over in the Mac's fridge. when he came back we sang, i felt like a K2 kid but yeah there were liek 24 others around me, so i felt better! haha. and yah he was to dance like 8 sets of 8 in front of komala's b4 we allowed him the honours of prize opening and cake cutting! oklah that was sort of fun........despite the space shortage........ we talked bout lotsa stuff and it's been long that i saw people like xiufen, liwei, and adriene man whatever happened......ok no no!! (damn this is like a bloody monologue!)
right then later myself, jacky, candy and sis, peixuan, jiexiao, ahmad and fen went around airport to accompany our dearest peter before he left for the US of A in da morning, wait it is already morning then. so we had lots of things gg on we were at first lepaking at some cafe where they keep cahnging the radio channels..man that was irritating. and we were like there like some bunch of idiots who obviously were retarded due to brain fatigue had nothing better to do than to start assembling and dismantling puzzles into and out of shapes. Jiexiao was playing puzzle charades....ok we all did and we were like again retardos.....what the heck and peter was showing us some magic tricks that he was to show the kids in the US and practice them on the plane on the way. i'm like," what the....." but oklah...it was quite magical considering i'm light headed and was desperate for anything that can stimulate my cortices!
after we left that cafe we started walking to the viewing gallery where we were like taking pictures, looking at others sleep and studying at the "No Studying or Sleeping area". and later we sat at some benches where peter decided that he had to measure our threshold for muscular pain. ok, apparently counter-contraction doesn't work remember people, KungFu however subtle..WORKS..painfully! haha.....jiexiao made some stupid faces when peter poked like a strand of leaf on his nose..ok not the face..the nose EXPANDED!! blearghh...he later slept on the floor upon which i joined him..wah not bad eh the floor very therapeutic......
what else hhmmm..nothing much lah....take some photos here and there and then sent peter off, nostalgic...jiexiao didn't cry did he? nope that was his manly cry earlier during the competition!! haha..anyways, we went for a BK brakfast and candy looks like she was going to die eating....alrite then.....i think that was all.... in total i think i spent like 23 hrs awake today..man.....
time to get some sleep!!

homeward bound

it seems so long
since i traced the lonely chapped undulations
the cracked up little joys of
sweetly furnished
tracks; frictionless
waiting for me.

to slip and fall
precariously

alas, memories stay afloat
longings hover desolated
deceived by dubious
re-creation of re-collections;

i rewind
forward
rewind forward rewind forward
pause
what is that?
that place in time i seek
naive jitters and candle aroma
poise heat and forest scent.

it was there
yes i know that for sure
i took for granted the reciprocated
i look for pastures
when comfort lies beneath my feet.

hitherto, faint visions haunt me
of inclinations so deep it
hurts; killing unvarnished love.
separated, lost forever.

hope sees me, waiting
waiting
waiting
i'm homeward bound.....

seven mini series

I

nothing lasts. even nothing evaporates.
there is a graveyard where everything i am talking about is, now.



i stood there once , on the green pastures, scattering flowers.

II

there is great strength in those creatures
against the silica
moving along
against the heat
in the morning.

many times they failed
yet not a drop of self-pity
not a ounce of worthlessness
not knowing despair
and embracing omnipotent
determination and persistence.

not in this world

III

i acknowledge them now;
i'll never mention them again

it's neither love nor sorrow
deficient
but that burden they lift, that i
would not

i give them multiple kisses of courtesy
of sweet thanks;
hugs of empathy and delight
share joy and laughter
may they sleep well. may U sleep well.

but i won't give them, give us, give you my kiss of complicity
i would not give them the responsibility for my life.

IV

Did you know that ants have tongues
with which they can gather all the
sweetness it can?

did u know that?

V

This thought ain't the world
it's not even on the first page of the world

but it wants to grow
like a flower
bloom
into something it knows that much

it wants to open up
like barbie's little temple
so that you' might step inside
and be yourself than mere parts of everything.

VI

So tell me now
how do i get there?

what will open up the dark fields of ur mind
and mine?

VII

notice something
something u have never noticed before

stare hard at the rain, the cats and stares

a lifelong isn't long;
aint long enuff for the beauty of this world
for the responsibilities of my life and
for loving; loving me.

what more you?

poetic tragedy

i get carried away
portraits of tainted love
nailed to my mind
i paint a picture
so red...is it blood??
is it broken hearts unmended...
left to bleed?
or is it you that satirize my feelings?
vividly emblazened blatantly visualised
i desperately feed colours into images
left to crumble into blood-curdling
torrential waves of viscous complexities.
i lay afloat, aloof of my experience
is that you in my mind?
is it blue or green that i lost?
like a car that cruised away with the wind.
all is lost unredeemable; on a one way journey
i play an image in my head of
memories untamed
i get carried away
is that OK? i asked
in the pit of red
i save myself from discommode misfortune
only to trip over
your corpse and fall with you
into the abyss.

avec vous...

arranging words
unspoken, floating, hovering.
the times we talked about shits and whores
and of unforgiving bitches that forge
ties with the devil, laughing and joking and laughing
i look into your eyes
time moves along as i catch a glimpse;
of what it means to fall, to feel;
in love.

_____________________________________


tears speak of dreams unfulfilled
articulating hopes unachieved
expressing desolation;
you and I and me and you
conversations and distance,
apprehension and adaptation.
deep seated treasures waiting
to be found, held and loved.

the sunday chronicles

people get angry often. i get angry often. sometimes for the trivial things that irritate the back of my mind. anger is bad. i read the other day something about anger and how it can cause one to die earlier. no i don't want to die early. and no i don't want wrinkles on my face.i mean look at Star war's Yoda he's always angry i can tell from his wrinkles, one angry blob of greenish stuff. and me? i have wrinkles already. shit!
whatever facial or life-expectancy reduction stemming from ur anger is self inflicted. not only that u may also invoke others to be angry at you and make them get the wrinkles or die early. so what's the point of saying all these things. i don't know i just had to say it.
c'mon for no reason? yes for no reason!
actually, yes... to be blatant everyones' got a problem, me, you even the animals in the zoo (does that rhyme?). and this problem comes from some other problem that comes from other problems that rises from other problems that is related to some unresolved issues. of course not everyone is like that.some people know some people who know some people who know some people who have lots of anger issues. more importantly people need to know that they can be helped. i have anger issues too. and i can be helped except that no one is really helping. people tell themselves that its ok. i tell myself that it is ok. the reason why i keep saying 'people' maybe cause i wanna make myself feel better, cos OTHer people have anger management issues and so do i. it makes it more justifiable knowing that i don't suffer in silence.
went to watch miss congeniality yesterday. there's this black girl with anger issues and she vents it out physically and yes....she's good. that's not the point. the point is, as the story develops we find out that all she needed was someone to talk too.back to me it's not that people don't talk to me and not that i don't confide in them, sometimes not everyone sees the picture. maybe i'm a troubled being. gosh whatever that means. ok enough bout myself.
i'm out to find new places to lepak in singapore. that river valley nightspot, the curry damn shiok! but i don't knwo the freaking way!! aarrgghhh! and that place in Thomson i just keep going round and round and end up eating macdonalds over at East Coast. Zam zam nasi briyani, kampung Java nasi padang slurrp slurp! die die must go.....
ok i'll talk about my weight now. i'm getting fat. and speaking of which everybody around me is getting fat. maybe cos they wanna rebel the new cahnegs in the BMI or something. or maybe cos tehy wanna fit into this increasing fat world. geddit? haha....FIT into this FAT world. haha..man!
ok lame.
yeah WHAK! practice has been WAcK! MonsieurPeter says he's gonna make some changes to the steps. gonna be whack. he says we should be in thr top 3 and that we should be aiming or must be aiming for the top spot. whatever it is, all teh dancers will do their best. i feel so. no wait. i know so. but too bad some of us don't get to have all their frens watching. ticket quota. so in anycase it's over at singapore expo hall 2 (people have been advertising) on the 16th april wait a minute......that's my sister's birthday damn!! ok i don't know what time....need some help here somebody?? anybody?

book of the moment - Amy Tan's The opposite of FAte
song of the moment - Babyface's "what if"

04.04.05

another day passes as usual filled with thoughts a many. i rode in the rain again today, after so long. i have a theory. despite it drizzling the rain seems to be hitting so hard on my shirt transmitting that sheer force onto my chest, and that force is proportional to the speed with which one rides. so the faster one goes, the faster he cuts into the rain and the greater the pain but the quicker the ordeal, depending on the distance one travels also. so since it's like monsoon now, i'm trying out these theories and getting myself wet all in the name of science.

nowadays i seem quite oblivious to things. like i don't care about them anymore, sometimes i wonder what is it that i look forward to in life. don't worry this ain't no suicide note. it's just that i don't feel there's something to expect nowadays. that drive seems to have waned, for whatever reason. today as i walk around telok ayer and observing office workers hustling their way back home and i can't help but wonder that these people work day in day out in the same office space doing the same thing year after year and never lose it. i thought what is it that made them the way they are? duracell? nah. no seriously i decided i gave them another look. and i really looked! as i walked in the counter-direction, i stared at them intricately, trying to fish out their exact thoughts while they individually looking spaced out. i figured well-duh-they had somethign to look forward too when they got back. back into their lives, some monotonous, some desperate to run given the chance but bound by morals and responsibility, some undignified. home is where the heart is, they say. then many don't have a home. like me the plight of these people go unaddressed. i pondered some more as i made my way for dance class. so much for being so oblivious!

today in NUS we did the same role playing thing again. i don't know the name of the tutor though but he was being apologetic all the time even for the slightest thing.kinda gets on my nerves really, but he's forgiven when he cracks some lame joke out of the blue. i'm a loser for lameness. so the role playing today involved some of my classmates being doctors and teh rest being difficult patients and teh doctor is supposed to know or find some way to handle them, being patient and all that, empathetic. throughout the session, it was raining and the room started to get increasingly cold and what was on my mind was thoughts of my helmet being in the rain and also how i was supposed to make my way back to Bedok polyclinic for my afternoon attachment. So the tutor went said something about family medicine and how these doctors have to 'deal' with such difficult people now and then. i was concuring partly cause i was hoping he saw me and would just conclude the session in agreement to my nodding and partly because in my mind i was thinking at the same time that yeah no way....no freaking way i am going to be a general practitioner,not my kinda thing, while i try to make an objective face. this was succeeded with an analogy whereby he mentions if doctors don't like people, vs. fishermen who don't like the sea, then don't be doctors. then i'm like, not all fishermen become fishermen cause they like the sea, but cos they have no other source of sustenance. somehow that applies though i've yet to establish the link. anyway, i'm still bickering with my concious. maybe it was my objective face. i made faces in the mirror, trying to identify that objective face of mine.

my friends laughed at me just now. i laughed at myself just now. ok so we were supposed to meet at bedok polyclinic's conference room and then after waiting for like 5 minutes and there's no sign of the tutor coming, i made my way to the toilet. along the way, well i saw a plethora of people of different ethnicities and got a shock seeing the load of patients a polyclinic doctor has to handle. that's life...not mine haha. so on my way back despite seeing 2 very pretty pharmacists doing their jobs, i also saw the doctor appraoching the room and i hurried. when i reached the entrance, she said to me," you know it's at room 20, we have changed the venue."
so i asked her for what? she said for the smoking cessation counselling session. i was flabbergasted. this doctor made a very bad first impression for assuming that all young malay looking male that steps into the conference room was a smoker regretting their actions and on their road to no smoking! i laughed it off. she apologised later, after telling my friends about it, of course, that bitch!

Oui, i think i'm tired. travaille tout la journee. who wouldn't?

un-founded

as i reflect about events that happen this week, it occured to me the unpredictability of human behaviour. the masquerade of hidden agenda and false altruism strikes me with such intensity. never before i was overwhelmed with such an emotive tide that pushed me to the edge of realisation that the world i live in has many sides that i once took for granted, based on trust,inherently goodwilled nature of mankind and that philosophy i'm struggling to uphold as a person. even within the confines of blood and brotherhood; of comrades and bonds withstanding test of time, the unevitable; what i'll call, side of humanity unveals itself in a more gruesome picturesque, a distorted imagery; a pathological caricature of sorts.
i try to comprehend the attitudes, the values that create diversity in thought, actions and practices. but in vain, my thoughts run through a discourse of theories and justifications only to be prematurely truncated and replaced by sadness, bringing me back to the plight and suffering of a person through life that transcends all physical, psychological, emotional, financial boundaries. that pain is worse. was worse.
who do i blame? where is my source of comfort?
do i fret for the lack of empathy or should i scream for the unending superficially agrandoised sacrifices? can a cry a tear or two? to whose shoulder?
why do i go on re-living a legacy of a life i sometimes find hard comprehending when death has already separated past and present?
am i guilty of something? am i guilty for the suffering? for the lack of comfort? or the unanticipated repercussions? for the love left unspoken? for the power to do nothing? for being angry at predestination and destiny?
i feel that pain. what it must have been like. what it means to have endured for so long. at the end of it,time chases and catches up with all of us. for there is a time for everything, a time to live to die. a time to suffer and a time to be relieved.
what i learn this week was at times human nature overrides nurturing, sadly.

charade

a piece of paper
which appreared to be blank
But on which we see
writing had faded
"my first is of the
Possessive of those
given to possession.
and my last, the finalty
of that proposition.
in entirety i give
that which 3 worlds does live.
Ungainly in the two;
In-all, long legged beauty,
much as you."
Upon the paper which has come to fade
we strain to see
An ancient charade
Can you decipher me?