Monday, April 04, 2005

04.04.05

another day passes as usual filled with thoughts a many. i rode in the rain again today, after so long. i have a theory. despite it drizzling the rain seems to be hitting so hard on my shirt transmitting that sheer force onto my chest, and that force is proportional to the speed with which one rides. so the faster one goes, the faster he cuts into the rain and the greater the pain but the quicker the ordeal, depending on the distance one travels also. so since it's like monsoon now, i'm trying out these theories and getting myself wet all in the name of science.

nowadays i seem quite oblivious to things. like i don't care about them anymore, sometimes i wonder what is it that i look forward to in life. don't worry this ain't no suicide note. it's just that i don't feel there's something to expect nowadays. that drive seems to have waned, for whatever reason. today as i walk around telok ayer and observing office workers hustling their way back home and i can't help but wonder that these people work day in day out in the same office space doing the same thing year after year and never lose it. i thought what is it that made them the way they are? duracell? nah. no seriously i decided i gave them another look. and i really looked! as i walked in the counter-direction, i stared at them intricately, trying to fish out their exact thoughts while they individually looking spaced out. i figured well-duh-they had somethign to look forward too when they got back. back into their lives, some monotonous, some desperate to run given the chance but bound by morals and responsibility, some undignified. home is where the heart is, they say. then many don't have a home. like me the plight of these people go unaddressed. i pondered some more as i made my way for dance class. so much for being so oblivious!

today in NUS we did the same role playing thing again. i don't know the name of the tutor though but he was being apologetic all the time even for the slightest thing.kinda gets on my nerves really, but he's forgiven when he cracks some lame joke out of the blue. i'm a loser for lameness. so the role playing today involved some of my classmates being doctors and teh rest being difficult patients and teh doctor is supposed to know or find some way to handle them, being patient and all that, empathetic. throughout the session, it was raining and the room started to get increasingly cold and what was on my mind was thoughts of my helmet being in the rain and also how i was supposed to make my way back to Bedok polyclinic for my afternoon attachment. So the tutor went said something about family medicine and how these doctors have to 'deal' with such difficult people now and then. i was concuring partly cause i was hoping he saw me and would just conclude the session in agreement to my nodding and partly because in my mind i was thinking at the same time that yeah no way....no freaking way i am going to be a general practitioner,not my kinda thing, while i try to make an objective face. this was succeeded with an analogy whereby he mentions if doctors don't like people, vs. fishermen who don't like the sea, then don't be doctors. then i'm like, not all fishermen become fishermen cause they like the sea, but cos they have no other source of sustenance. somehow that applies though i've yet to establish the link. anyway, i'm still bickering with my concious. maybe it was my objective face. i made faces in the mirror, trying to identify that objective face of mine.

my friends laughed at me just now. i laughed at myself just now. ok so we were supposed to meet at bedok polyclinic's conference room and then after waiting for like 5 minutes and there's no sign of the tutor coming, i made my way to the toilet. along the way, well i saw a plethora of people of different ethnicities and got a shock seeing the load of patients a polyclinic doctor has to handle. that's life...not mine haha. so on my way back despite seeing 2 very pretty pharmacists doing their jobs, i also saw the doctor appraoching the room and i hurried. when i reached the entrance, she said to me," you know it's at room 20, we have changed the venue."
so i asked her for what? she said for the smoking cessation counselling session. i was flabbergasted. this doctor made a very bad first impression for assuming that all young malay looking male that steps into the conference room was a smoker regretting their actions and on their road to no smoking! i laughed it off. she apologised later, after telling my friends about it, of course, that bitch!

Oui, i think i'm tired. travaille tout la journee. who wouldn't?

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