I express utter displeasure at the foolish, uneducated, irrational act committed by my fellow siblings whom, without discretion, doubt and consciousness, deleted- in its entirety - valued documents on the home PC! I abhor their impassiveness, the undisclosed condemnation and their audacity to sleep soundly thereafter.

I had a very tiring day. Mostly because it was self inflicted. I made the mistake of going for 2 dance classes- one jazz and one hip-hop/jazz funk workshop. I enjoyed them but my hamstrings are starting to ache, like major! And i thought to myself, i've never had this feeling since like what....pre-MBBS, which was like 2 freaking years ago! And despite being exhausted and being reminded that mr taufik has got no stamina during mazlan's VERY ghetto hip hop to pussycat dolls, i pushed myself, which to me, was defo self-satisfying (and also partly because i do not want to lose out to all those <20 yr olds with such BEAMing energy).

Surprisingly, the jazz instructor was Vincent (he taught me beginner's hip hop long ago!). It was not vincent that was surprising, it was how freaking young he looks- he practically looks the bloody same the last time i saw him- that was like 7-8 yrs ago? How can anyone look the same? I mean same yes, but no sign of aging, no white hair! (even i get white hair! and i'm only _ _ yr old!) Then i thought, freak it must be jazzzzzz (add the broadway jazz hands...and the jazz square!). So i decided that once Rusman (another of my jazz and contemporary teachers) decides to teach again, that is when i'll get back to jazz; or if that takes too long i might go for other jazz classes- despite them NOT really being 'jazz' per se. I MISS doing broadway jazz.....and i miss the Fosse-influenced movements, the Luigi warm ups that NEVER got put into practice and the jazz MUSIC! sigh. But i figured before going back to the leaps and the pas de deux, i better dis-possess some (alot actually!) of my insulation - you get my drift...In hip hop however, it is ok because my 'covering' is hooded in the baggy clothes.

I remembered how i was pissed with rozana for NOT 'feeling' the music for 2008 NYE competition and i just stomped off the dance studio- looking visibly pissed (of course!- what else would i look like!?). Today Mazlan must have been like secretly bitching shit to himself about those who didn't. I, certainly (haha!), did (da feelin', not da bitchin')!

Current jam: Otis Redding's These Arms of Mine (now playing for the 12th time....)

i had a terrible shift earlier. 4-12 with 3 other doctors on the afternoon shift. it always gets hectic after 6pm. i bummed into a fellow colleague from UK who looked visibly upset and i think i understand how she felt. i did not offer any consolation -how evil- because i thought she would not want one anyway. i would not have accepted any if i were her because i hate the feeling of being pitied or empathized.
but i ended with a 5 year old sweet little girl who sustained a small laceration over her right parietal and shed no ounce of tear. i was delighted to stitch her up. but she was primed prior to getting stitched. and i like the way her parents reasoned, to such a young little thing, who's apprehension of pain gets blown into exaggerated proportion at the sight of the perceived potential "harm-doing" (i was guilty of that- every adult was right? whatever it is, i am normal!)
i am reading VS Naipaul's autobiography and learning so much about the life of this literary genius. i highly recommend it.
i have an 8-4 ER shift later and i am not asleep because my circadian cycle is all screwed up thanks to this routine irregularity. i did, however, popped some sleeping aids earlier and have not yet felt its effect, hitherto. 0236am, 2nd april 2009.

i just finished reading a Naipaul book. it was inspiring. but i cannot help but want to know more about the author. what runs in his head and what his life was/is like. which was the reason why i rushed to the tampines regional library to grab a copy of his autobiography, which turned out to be 550 pages thick! and as usual, i will drag my way through, not cause i get bored and tired reading sometimes, but cause i read painfully slow. i have a bad habit of trying to read too much into sentences without sometimes taking its context into respectful consideration.

that aside i am elated that the posting is coming to a close- soon! i would like to share this joy with the people who dread it as much as i do. but i know they will not be reading this. but despite the dreading and rambling, i felt that i have achieved some sort of a decent level clinical competency, which medical school didn't really equip me. i thank the patients and doctors that have contributed to this!

(NOT) Skiving and random thoughts!

i just got myself to write this! damn random. i am not free at work, not skiving, of course, like some of my friends! who multi-slack at work! it is quite quiet today, it was however busier in the beginning of the shift! we helped out the rest who were piled up with cases, bailing out i call it.
being in ed sort of like made me think about what i wanna do. seeing patients now becomes a plus/minus instead of a no-no. it does really help when patients are nice and you tend to reciprocate that, but when patients are not-so-nice (i mean they have reasons for that and i got no problem with that, whatever it maybe) it really doesn't make the day that nice too! but i try to absorb their anger and try to make the consult more positive and guess what, i find that getting to the root of their concern really does help make the consult better (community med really does teach u useful things and all that doctor-patient playrole thing sorta pays off).
i had this patient who was so angry he cursed and swear at everyone in the ED and i was like i dont wanna see him - hell no! but when he got into my room he was hostile initially and started scolding the system, the hospital, the staff etc. when i probed him about his tummyache (after like 15mins to really try to calm him down to take a proper history), he was actually apprehensive of the surgery that was to be done on him - he came with biliary colic (i hear,"woah i SO know what the heck that is!", but i won't take time to explain it, so go to wikipedia!) - at a later date. so i explained the possibilities and he felt better! (though i think it was probably the painkillers that i gave him rather than my talking)
anyway my point is that maybe i should reconsider clinical/bedside work in future, although i am still very hesitant! in a place where consultation time is limited by numerous pending cases (mostly sick ones), the abovementioned kind of clinical encounter, being highly likely in the emergency setting (in addition to those where no common ground can be achieved and those with 100% hatred and contempt), may eventually result in an overworked, disgruntled and impassive doctor; an eventuality that i would not, personally, accept.

however, i am likely to re-think that in the near future.

its start of a new posting and things have been good except for a few glitches partly blamed for my lack of sound knowledge. and i can't blame anyone for the mistakes i have made and therefore have to take responsibility for them. but i was just wondering whether being admonished for it publicly was justified. i was never so much affected by being reprimanded until now. not so much by the mistakes that were pointed out (which i feel are part and parcel of learning process, although people's lives and outcomes may be seriously affected) but rather by my perception of how the process was carried out. and not help but having the gut feeling that some form of preconception played a part in it. and somehow, like most times, i will have a difficult time trying to recover from such 'lessons', making my 'learning' process more trying in the sense that my rationality gets clouded by my misconstruing the whole situation. like although i know that it was supposed to be a learning thingy, there's this intangible residual effect that was left behind from that encounter that made me feel that,"hey why do i have this strange feeling that this wasn't going to be the last of it?" i'm sure people out there feel the same, i don't know, cause not many people voice it out. i probably am just looking too much into this. but like i said, these things do not affect me! but this time it does! ask my dance friends. they would probably go like taufik is a bitch when he is teaching choreography but maybe not so when that 'teaching' is over! but maybe its because that someone i love is somewhere in HongKong!

had a weekend of dance and out with friends. celebrating birthdays and sort. they went to JB park. no one got shit on their tops. then met at mak's place. i got body shop goodies, an isetan voucher and billabong top from lina/terry! thank you peeps! appreciate tat a lot! and i got a black petite bag from candy! from espirit. i still have yet to find out the bag's background! ehehe... za/i got myra a watch.. but i'm not sure what the rest got her. i can't wait for more surprises coming up this year. i wanna be part of the plan. but i hope it's planned soon! i'm a busy person hehe

i had a dose of CT reporting! on a MONDAY! how cool is that! busiest day for CT reports and with a slow soul like me. but i got the easy ones i would say. not much abnormality to pick up! but to get the feel and hang of it. i never heard of CT lumbar spine until i was reporting one. its quite easy to figure out though...so it went quite well! i have 5 CT sessions next month! hopefully there's good stuff to learn from. also coming up next month are MRI and Ultrasound!! squirm! i will do it! wish me luck!

more dancing coming up in the next few weeks culminating in september. we'll try to finish item soon. i think calvin is being patient with the very disorganised me when it comes to dance. really appreciate what he is doing. the music is in good hands! thanks to roz! owe u one! and i pulled out of candy's, for commitment reasons! (what commitment reasons!!!)haha..

Ok if u like flowers and not into how it is arranged nicely and spread out over a big enclosed space for u to walk around snapping photos, then do not go to the garden festival thing! luckily it ends tom! (today! yeah)

my neck hurts from pas de duex. i think suli has something to do with this! hmmmm...