un-founded

as i reflect about events that happen this week, it occured to me the unpredictability of human behaviour. the masquerade of hidden agenda and false altruism strikes me with such intensity. never before i was overwhelmed with such an emotive tide that pushed me to the edge of realisation that the world i live in has many sides that i once took for granted, based on trust,inherently goodwilled nature of mankind and that philosophy i'm struggling to uphold as a person. even within the confines of blood and brotherhood; of comrades and bonds withstanding test of time, the unevitable; what i'll call, side of humanity unveals itself in a more gruesome picturesque, a distorted imagery; a pathological caricature of sorts.
i try to comprehend the attitudes, the values that create diversity in thought, actions and practices. but in vain, my thoughts run through a discourse of theories and justifications only to be prematurely truncated and replaced by sadness, bringing me back to the plight and suffering of a person through life that transcends all physical, psychological, emotional, financial boundaries. that pain is worse. was worse.
who do i blame? where is my source of comfort?
do i fret for the lack of empathy or should i scream for the unending superficially agrandoised sacrifices? can a cry a tear or two? to whose shoulder?
why do i go on re-living a legacy of a life i sometimes find hard comprehending when death has already separated past and present?
am i guilty of something? am i guilty for the suffering? for the lack of comfort? or the unanticipated repercussions? for the love left unspoken? for the power to do nothing? for being angry at predestination and destiny?
i feel that pain. what it must have been like. what it means to have endured for so long. at the end of it,time chases and catches up with all of us. for there is a time for everything, a time to live to die. a time to suffer and a time to be relieved.
what i learn this week was at times human nature overrides nurturing, sadly.