Dedication

Three months,
surrealness looms and love still blooms.

6 fantastic fornights of experience
shared joys, mixed feelings, hearty laughters
accidental bloops and brazen
outbursts.

the 12 weeks that flew...
so fast i thought
time stopped everytime...u and i and me and you and u and me....
and how i grew fat and wrinkled and
sprouting eyebags and white hair and the countless
migraines and headaches. how sometimes we endured
the unrelenting swings of mood and overcoming
unnecessary polarities that u and i and you and me.....
can go by without.

the 84 days that was blissfully ignored
by circadian memory, for preoccupation with anterograde
constructions, physical distractions and wordly
obsessions.
I keep special moments fibrosed;
immortalised...for recall and
sweet extraction.

2016 hours of business and pleasure, of communication,
interactions, where at times the orbit swells,
tissues overwhelmed
where shoulders weep and you and i and me and you....
speak, not keep.

120 960 seconds of knowing you are still there and here
and here and there
and seconds keep counting......

time; 1am. i just got back from first night of dance reflections a few hours ago, no one hour ago. the performances: superb. the crowd: a bit dead. i didn't get the reinforcement from those watching. thence, most of the hitting and locking and forced ferociously fake smile and mouth opening teeth showing saliva dropping and sucking it back up act was all on my part, collectively on the lockers part. i saw the look on san thit's face, a mix of apprehension and excitement but she did well. i made some subtle, recoverble mistakes, if not for the stupid suspenders, which by the way i last minutely decided to loosen so that my pants don't look like it's one of those shrunk wrinkled pants waiting to explode by the time i get on the floor with the American split. and the dance Whores! my favourite part, probably cause my favourite girl was dancing too, a bit far to the left side of the stage but i can still see with my now not so perfect eyesight! and guess what i heard? rumour has it she dances like a 'n--ger'! a chinese n--ger! hmm..a Chinkger? alright, getting lame there.
well i thought that despite all the usual forget steps and everyone enjoying themselves and the occasional mis/displacement from ur i-have-already-marked-stage-but-still-people-forget-their-positions, which i don't understand, i didnt feel like dancing dancing u know. ok maybe u don't but yah.... maye its the audience! damn audience!! what the hell, tom will be better i hope. the people in Suntec will definitely resonate proportionately..again i hope! don't wanna waste moi efforts, and the rest of course. tom i'm supposed to be doing the curtain call thingy to replace pat which won't be there cause he's judging Suntec. i hope i don't screw it, already on the day we performed for thumboo i forgot and all the choreographers forgot to get on stage (that part was unrehearsed)! never mind.
i was readng Newsweek and Today newspaper on the way to school and at home respectively and the main themes running in my head is awareness, which is what print media (10% of it at least, the rest 90% are ads) wants to achieve. that plights of people locally or globaly are real and that they affect us all, like it or not. that their suffering is ours too. over in this part of the world, we can't do much for others suffering out there (maybe one day we can) but we can spread love and passively raise awareness to those close to us, maybe they have connections who can indirectly or directly offer a hand. i believe most people believe in the concept of a community. and if they do then we are also responsible for those who suffer. ok going into the sappy zone, ok better get out.
and recently there's this hype about bloggers and their opinions. i would like to add something. i think bloggers should be responsible enough for whatever they post on their blogs and at the same time know that there's no absolutism in the the expression, ' freedom of speech'. just had to say, not say i want to say but i'll say and i did just say so paisey! ok whatever......
medical update: haha...on my postings lah. going to do forensic patho for 2 weeks starting monday and starting theology classes this Sunday! (wait....that's not medical) right.....
for those who just bumped into this blog, u still have chance to get tickets and watch DR (details in previous blog)!! and tell me if u're coming. i was surprised zahdan was there.. i mean he came to support Ilsa as well....appreciated.... time: 1.31am. activity: stoning soon

over-loaded

after so long i finally decided to type something into this dormant blog. currently busy as hell. in the middle of dance productions and there's like tons or rehearsals. it's a bit irky when u have to let go of passion and dance for the sake of pleasing the people u dance for. not that it's not worth it. but the manner could be different somehow. i mean people have expectations, yes sur they do, but we have dancers with different styles and groove and technique and feel etc, so we can't expect everyone to be equal. and another thing, how do u know that someone hasn't put in 101% in the item? good question. no answer but just assumptions. we assume that sometimes if the person doesn't do what they are "required" to do then they are not doing it full out. aiyah, so many things cause this mah! so whatever the heck. nowadays i get by all these demoralising stuff by applying the omega listening method, get the gist not the emo part. i realise sometimes people say things out of emotions and not out of rationality - i'm guilty of that too! but for other people who get that from me, i don't know what strategy they apply but yes, they survive or not. i was told from a friend that i made another fren cry while preparing for a certain performance. i didn't know that. but i'll guess i'll have to learn from these experience too. dancers are human too. they are already faced with the impending possibility of physical demands of choreography and technique. and imptly dancers have feelings too, although sometimes they might do better showing it while they are dancing than while they're not. and yes, tehy make mistakes!! even during performance! i guess dance demands one to be a perfectionist in a way. i.e. u wanna look good? you better work your ass so that u won't melt and sink into the stage hoping you don't die of embarassment once u made a mistake! hah!! sometimes i admit, it's crazy lah this dance thingy. but the satisfaction out of it is rewarding for me at least. politics and shit happens. regardless of passion, regardless of anything. it's how we manage shit!!
now doing ENT posting, not very fun. it's a very sticky and wet posting! dealing with disgusting noses, ears and throats! yes. eww!! and i realise that despite being one of the richest people in the country, these ENT surgeons can also be one of the bitchiest. maybe cause they don;t have that much patients to see and operations to do that they decide to work on something else. some do art, so do golf, one DOES bitching! i wont mention any names. teh last week has been hell and boring!! at least for hospital posting! i thought i learned more from the books than from patients. then again the dean would say," seeing patients is a privilege." besides we medical students pay $128 dollars a day to get to do postings in hospitals. so might as well!
this year will have to study extra hard. patho!!! arrgghh....
[dance-again!] Well if anyone is interested to catch dance reflections this coming week over at NAtional UNiversity Singapore's University Cultural Centre (UCC) on 16 and 17th september at 7.30pm, do inform me yah! tickets are priced at 11, 13 and 16 (S$).
Missing some people.....sian...