don't quote me

the human brain is so complicated that even the human brain cannot understand how THE human brain works!

a heartache of pain

a heartache of pain
of what could have been
only you know the truth
of what lies within.

a heartache of pain
of guilt and conscience
of faults and incongruity
of what lies within.

a heartache of pain
searching for light and truth
underhead the fountainhead
of what lies within.

a heartache of pain
of sleepless nights
thinking of sincerity
of what lies within.

a heartache of pain
of pondering life's consistency
counterblasting perceived adversities
of what lies within.

when gone are the torrid tempers,
when gone are the scorched ties,
when gone are the afflicted acquantainces,
when gone are the troubled tonalities?

i lay alone......
spleened, vexed



downhearted


pathetic

footsteps

silence is loud
kindness.brave.
wisdom takes time
maturity is longed.
loving, necessary

i need it

we need it
searching......

loking for life's answer to;
adequacies and satisfaction...

(silence)

a heartache of pain
contemplating misjudged mediations
of superficiality of thoughts and definitions
of what is within.

some pple think that
feasible things define
what is thought to be
or what really is within.

i'll think about it...

what if i were lucifer?

what would i do?
hhmm.....
hahahahha
omigosh....i wanna be lucifer
but he's bad you know he does bad things to pple, even the good ones
well pple deserve to do bad things some time in their life don't they?
huh?
hhhhmmmm
hahhahaha
what am i thinking of doing?
let's see, i can't do all the bad things that lucifer can do even in a day... i mean c'mon he's lucifer and i;m me
but the possibilties are like.. infinite.....
and it can manifest thru many things and many pple!!! right!!!
men are evil!!
eh what makes u say so?
cause they love doing what he does?
maybe...
is that wrong then?
i'm not too sure either....i mean what's right?
hhmmmm....that;s a thought!
u can say that again....
(silence)
so u still think pple like him?
him who?
c'mon him HIM? u know..HIm?
no i don't..well maybe....
ok now that;s nonsense..
what's so nonsense about that? i mean u said maybe too!!
but what i meant when i said that was...
oh just shush!!
WHAT? who me?? did u just ask me to shut my trap??
hell yeah i did.....u got a problem with that??
why you damn-Son-of-a-B&*$#, no good mother f%$#ing whore.....take that...
(POW!, Sweesh! POW! BAng! clunk! Spank! POW!......)

(lucifer) hehehe.....stoopid!

whatever!

book of the moment: Journeys of a Skeptical Muslim By Zainuddin Zardar

paroxsyms

i have a habit of actually irritating pple that's somehow different from the way other pple irritate other pple. pple usually do their irritating whatever-makes-others-irritated stunts like making faces, putting up wth an ever-oh-so bitchy attitude, being the group whore, being sarcastic or even giving that "irritating look" on their irritating face. well i can be irritating thru my actions but that's mainly done by my mouth, it's not being sarcastic, nope no it ain't but i'll always go on a verbal rampage, diarrheoa, spewing sentence after sentence of shitloads of crap that ain't pertaining to anything, nor anyone in the world. this spewing goes on until i get the stop or the look. so yeah, not many of my frens ever got to see this irritating side of me, the victim mainly being my ever-trying-to-give-me-their-"smart"-retorts siblings or my mother. i know i know, u'd probably go, "but she's ur mom", but hello in case u forgot, the topic sentence reads "i have a habit..." and u'd probably know that habits are hard to kick just like smoking cigarettes are, which so happens to be like the causative factor of lung cancer in men and nowadays in women too, cause they are picking up the habit and yes sometimes i wonder why these girls pick up smoking in the first place, which brings us to the question of discipline and parenting and nurturing of kids and little boys and girls and also the role of the government and the society in accepting tobacco in the first place and c'mon!! need i mention those companies that make these things in the first place!! and aren't they not aware of the consequences of smoking, which happen to be like u know lung cancer, high blood pressures, etc and even premature babies, which reminds me of this baby i saw the other day at orchard road, it was so cute i'm like "omigosh" look at that baby and he had these big eyes and big fluffy cheeks and look so fat and round and so pink, it was with it's parents and i walked pass them and he stared at me so innocently and i almost melted....just like an ice cream, which reminds me of the day i missed the Swensen's promotion which is like DAMN!! hello.....then i had to resort to eating magnum in the hospital at the expense of my being healthy, which is like..okok i'll stop!! i know i know!!it's irritating!!
catch up one day....

book of the moment: Orlando by Virginia Woolf

update

here's a gist of what happened the past few weeks. 3 weeks ago i, taufik felt like i was i,robot, cause i went thru the same routine( you don't have to know what it is cause it's gonna be one heck of a routine for me to describe it) day after day. but i guess it was all worth the effort cause you see, myself and a bunch of frens entered the suntec dance competition and after the whole rat-tat-tat-doo-dum-dee-du-da and stuffs, we got the 2nd runner up, which was kinda unexpected actually cause really i thought we had tough competition, unlike what the audiences say( roll eye). so yes and u wanna know the prize? we got ourselves EACH, a brilliant home theatre set, a watch and a New MAn magazine subscription. ;)
can say i was happy lah that night but the thing was on that very night, i got myself and asthma attack while waiting around for the results and spent my time gasping for air while i look around me and see pple jumping around like monkeys on a binge! but i was saved by some guy from B.A.D, cause he brought his ventilator along (lesson learnt, i know!! sheeeesh) and was relieved soon after.
ok other than that, it's just my usual, not routine, life with bits of dance here and there. the whole week didn't feel like doing anything, i dread washing my hair even! ok now that's NOT a valid reason cause if u had my hair...u'll hate washing ur hair too. ok so what i meant was u know the feeling of not wanting to kickstart certain things that you're supposed to do like clerk patients when u are a medical student in the hospital and dance properly and not bloop so much when ur're the co-dance captain in a dance group. it gets to me sometimes. ok now my blog sounds like dear diary, mushy shit. screw it! what am i to do? let's see......hhmmmm....

book of the moment: The Rape of Nanking by Iris Chang