the SPEECH!!

sometimes...i can help but wonder whatever the heck some girls think about....cos many a times i heard them bitch about the very thing that makes them go goo goo gah gah and oooHhhyyy: men, relationships and yah..on a totally different note: shopping!!

well i tried to crack my brain hard enough to actually write something off a girl's "perspective" about men and reltionships...based on the numerous one-on-one conversations and yah, eavesdropping ( i'd call it sherlock-holming around to be politically right!) i've been doing these past adolescent yrs and sum it up in a typically stereotyped, generalised manner all guys do...note: any girls reading this i've declared my disclaimer in typing hahaha...

gal: relationship fucking sucks!! they really do!! and they suck hard! and sometimes in the middle of the freaking night whn my room is as dark as death and the sheets are as cold as a 5-day-old corpse i would go thinking or wondering :::" all i ever wanted was to be someone's "LADY", want to be attended to, to be adored, admired, be somebodys squeeze......etc...note this can go on...until eventually..........
all the wheezing from the overly exagerrated bollywood drama slaps her in her face and shocks her into the "relationship reality" and realize that...from here there'll be 2 divergent course of action.....i'll go on to the first and maybe the typical one!!

first....they'll go curling up hugging their oh-so-favourite pillow bellowing as if she's in swan lake the movie or more like the ugly duckling lost in a making of Alice in wonderland: and she goes on and on....and on...and on...that her world crumbles( as if) and that the world is unfair and at this point if pms is iminent or they're already having one....a plethora of never seen or heard b4 profanities got unleashed from the "abyss of the throat of the "bitch"...like Lucifer having got his freedom from being tied up in chains for a whole fraking month!! and yah u add the details....

ok the second course of action will/ will not be normally taken but hey....it's true too....
ok she gets a shock and realize,.....
that the empty side of her bed does not fart, does not sodomise her during her "ordeal", does not wrestle her to the floor and pin her and then straddle her making her do the Spit torture( i call it hahaha...the kudini...don't ask me why!!): dripping saliva out of its mouth over her face, sucking it up and dribbling it out over and over again, and finally dropping it to her right!! and later finally, godammit!! realise it's NOT a MAN!!!

then they'll console themselves by going..."i want a man as nice as my retarded dog, one that doesn't crap on the floor. i want a man who cheats on me once in a while and who'll call me once a week. i want a man who is not confused about his sexual identity. i want a man who has never heard of or PRACTISED the SPEECH!!".....then they'll go..."SHIT!! i'll never find tat man. or hes never been born!"

tis is followed by a transient period of daydreaming and a nostalgic buzzing in the ear and a quick flash back of what happened b4 the "ordeal"...which may / may not have gone someting like this.....
Guy, clearing his throat," i am not ready and will not be ready to get actively involved with anyone for at least 3 to 5 yrs."
gal: "why not? (knowing that the relationship has lasted for aprrox 5 mths) are u going to prison?"
guy: " no. what i'm saying is that i'm not ready to commit to anything, either way"
gal: "either way? u mean u can or cannot commit to commiting or not commiting? ( groWing suspicious and confused by the minute).....(silence)... are u giving me THE SPEECH?"
guy: i think we should concentrate more on the 'friends' part of -well, u know!"
gal(suspicions confirmed and gasped!!) : u ARE giving me the SPEECH! u just gave me the SPEECH! that Was the SPEECH!!

so yah,....she thought "i got the speech"..and goes on thinking she's at the lowest point in life, like she'd thrown a ballooon full of hopes and dreams into a cactus! and that she'l go thinking that she's such a small insignificant specimen that she could probably mate with herself, and ponders about that being a good/terrific sexual advantage!! hahaha....
she'll either set anythig on fire, practice voodoo or listen to Elton John classix. or not!

the next day, or the night itslef she'll call a friend or ME!!

me: "how's it going?"
her; well i got the SPEECH....yest/today..
me( pretending to sound concerned): Oh nO!! NOT the SPEECH!, did he used the "F" word on you?"
her( nodding): yep....he said Friends.....no..he said.."we're just frens!!

then maybe she'll keep quiet thinking how men learned about the SPEECH!...maybe they learned in during PE when the pe teacher talks to them to say it over and over again....and it goes along the lines of....." ok now how does it go?.....it goes..." u're a cool girl and i like hanging out with u but i'm not ready to um- that big word- commitment to one person and i think we need to be....we need to be....."
"man tis is the impt part man!!! The 'F' word man!! the "F' word!!"
" oh yeah u tell the chick u wanna be frens! but u don't mean it do you?"
" no. a chick won't let u nail her if she knows she's not even a fren!!"
or maybe....the SPEECH is a programme or computer chip so small that it can be implanted in every baby boy's dick as soon as he is born going..."there are things out there with uteruses, son...so u're going to need this!"

at this point someone would interrupt her long lost mind...or buy her a drink or talk it over with her....not making her miserable
then again she might also be pissed off with God for making her a heterosexual female, and she;ll go swearing that the next time she Heard the SPEECH..she'll FIX it....or she'll go: my gosh..maybe there won't be next time!!

bleah....

this week in perspective?!

ok life's been going along great, and these past few days have been eventful

working part time as a stock-taker in the midnight shift earning measly sums of money but the experience was nevertheless fun
dancing like no one's business at home and in the NUS's dance studios and AS7, where gosh...all the sweat is dripping all over my face and no one cares....
the panic attack- no more like heart attack- of a paranoid schizophrenic pal, who on an 'eventful' day happen to spew out all he felt about some university admission exercise, like a cockcroach sprayed by BAYGON or maybe more like Harry Potter being denied the entry to HOgwarts and All hell breaks loose!
more dancing....
knowing that i'm posted to a hospital near school...;)
and yes...having bump around so much eating my weight of fast food and hawker food as if the world is going to end....but however, compensated with 'frequent' jogging, swimming and gyming, and i must add that they were done out of sheer, intentional psychotic stupid mentality that the "fats will burn" - and am still keeping myself informed of that no matter how harsh the reality.
once i came to a point i was so hungry, that i ate this packet food- won't mention any names- and that as i was eating i saw this dog- probably 'famished'- amd offered it some, out of courtesy, having to find out that the bloody creature doesn't want to even take a sample of it after it sniffed it's odor...and first i thought, "fucking dog has got expensive taste...but as the ever-so-harsh-reality strikes back like a basball shattering the pieces of skin on my face, that "hey!! i might be chewing on something even the dog doesn't want!! fuck! this thing in my hand could be worse THAN DOGFEED!!"
well that's that...
other things are like being invited to do a DANCE project- kinda like WAde RobSOn style!!...with some of the best dancers my choreographers been working with and it's gonna be a yr long commitment kinda thing!...so i'm at least looking forward to that..
as for now...my holidays and so call 'life' will end the moment school starts and that that thought of having to go thru the routine again....just spoils my mood and wow! i have the rest of my life to "enjoy" that.....
i'll take it cool for now....and yes...national day rehearsals are intensifying...and boy i think it's gonna be one hec of an experience...speaking of which....the tickets are out and i'm not one of them who got the tickets...bloody ndp organisers, this probability shit is driving the nation to lameness....whatever happen to the good old queing times at the kallang stadium......sigh~

wah....never seem to end like that....

21 june 2004

ok today i actually had to entertain the salespple at the local levi's store about some exchange that i wanted for the levi's pants i bought the day earlier and well, theperson was actually kind enuf to let me exchange and recommended me the Latest thing also...i don't know his name but he's kind...lah!
and that i went to the library to get some new age american fiction shit which i think would be of a brilliant read! and talking about books, this holiday, i've been stuffing my eyes and brain with the most number of books that i could possibly read in year and it just brings me back to the gd old days of reading w/o actually having to bother about other "adult" issues i'm currently having to face with! and that picking up a fiction book would always remind me of the times when all i wanted was to just escape from the 'torments" i'm down with and all the stresses that i'm cloaked on. and the feeling was and is great..everytime i look forward to having myself imagine a smile thru the words of the writer than looking at a person smiling at me or someone else and having to figure out the emotion or decipher whatever feeling that's trapped within the superficiality/sincerity of 27 muscles, lips and all..emanating from a distance.
and that's that!
which is why sometimes i like the idea of escapism....be it reading a book, indulge urself into the abyss of ur thoughts, having a "lonely" stroll @ the park, cycling at night by urself, going to the bookstore and staying there for the whoe day going from shelf to shelf and back again....
ok enuf....aunt agony shit...

so yeah other than the current events "happening", if not to make the workload or burden in my life worse, i decided to take part in a dance competition...cool or what?...well it's gonna be Jimmy, Rozana, Candy and myself going all out for the top prize( crossed fingers ) hahaha
i hope we can come out with some interesting choreography by next week...looking forward to gaining some more dance experiences thru shows or competition.....and yes at the same time try coping with my insurmountable academic workload that never seems to wane.....everyday is a new day with something new to learn or something old to revise....i don't want to be taking up too much brain space....hahaha...hoping to safe nice memories that'll grow old with me in time....

okie..i'm off now....i'll write again..soon

1 day in a life of.....

ok...the rehearsals today went fine except for the fact that there were quite a number who didn't turn up for the thingy.....

my legs and thighs and feet hurts despite having passed 3 days since i had the torturing Jazz cum "ballet" training session. learned a lot of stuff from peter...damn he's such a good dancer, wished i know lots bout the technicalities and such.

the funny thing that happened just now by the way was that i was out with my "dance klan" and we were at Shaw Towers and there bumped into so many of my Army frens, whom by the way i haven't been keeping in touch, and started talking or reminiescing our good old times, and yeah still bloody bitched about the pple who so called helped "mould" us and of course the jokers who sort of left an "impact" in the suburbs of our memories.

then got home just to find myself ever so worked up about things i didn;t do, things i did and about things that i wished i'd done, i don't know why but it's got to stop. (i'm sure there's something in the house thats precipitating my thoughts into a frenzy....hhmmm....it's time to call upon Sherlock Holmes...lame*)

later, met up with some peeps who really don't understand why some things are done the way they should be done and that u keep explaining to them in circles until u realise that even if u give them the obvious of the obvious....they woudn't get it...but yeah...u meet such pple all the time what can i say.....

sigh~..what shall i talk about now?
hhmm...still trying to find something to do to fill up my hols meaningfully..i hope that'll happen sooner or later, if it'll ever...gosh#

NOTE

in any case one might think that the previous post contradicts my post on the 6thJune i.e. Trouble?Shoot? it doesn't.......there're 2 totally different circumstances...i must say....

Gosh...i'm starting to feel i'm ruining my bloody blog...oh well what the heck!!

again?

have u ever felt so desolated?
like ever?

like to the point where nor loneliness nor anger can aptly describe the isolation u feel?

and that things that matter don't matter anymore?
where bonds that bind in a moment sublimate into the vast vacuum, that same vacuum that occupies your soul?

where emotions seeps into the capillaries of your brain but somehow, truncation overrides manifestation?

where u envisage what that moment of nothingness, when extended into eons of tranquility of mind and space,with the limitless opportunity to remain at one with body and spirit,would be like?

where your presence doesn't matter at all?

and u wished science's principle of nuclear vaporization were applied? or that somehow you'll melt under the heat of insignificance that overshadowed u?

and somehow...at that time, u wished u had someone other than your miserable self to blame for the awkwardness that's causing u misery?

and that u wished u were better off pathologically-impaired or psychologically-troubled or insane or suffering the withdrawal effects of attention-deficit-syndrome?

i wish for so many things when i feel left out, desolated, islanded, abandoned or _____________(fill in the blanks). but i thank God eventually for the patience and imaan he's endowed me with.. and the cognitive ability to get myself out of the situation regardless!!

sadly, ive been there.....and wondering when i will be there again???

the discourse of fiqh in islamic health part 1

ok...b4 i actually buy a webspace and get myself in touch wth the world of the ever-so-impossible HTML and Dreamweaver...i'll just have to content with this bloggy space i have-alhamdullilah.
so what am i writng today hmmm let's see....well as the topics suggests, it's going to be health in the islamic perspctive....

it's true that we have lots of discourses of fiqh in islam that pertains to many aspects of muslim life....like we have the Fiqh of worship( Ibaadat ) we have the Fiqh of Marriage( nikah ) we have the Fiqh of Transactions( Muamalat ) and etc etc.....but have we ever heard of the Fiqh of health.....

actually there is such a thing and that it's been stdied b4 by our Muslim ancestors and scholars in the times of the Ashaarites and Mutazilites, but i guess its time for the contemporary Muslim healthcare practitioners step out of the shadows of our renaissance glory and start reviving and looking, scrutinizing intentively the contextual and practical matters pertaining to the practice of medicine in contemporary society.

so essentially, i dug out the texts and here's what i found....

islam place high regard on health as it is an important part of life....w/o it...can cause a lack of capacity to acheive other things and among these important things are the pillars of islam that is Solat, Fasting, Zakah and Hajj.Also the Shariah strives to protect the rights of pple's mind, body, offspring and property among other things. therefore, health is emphasised strongly in Islam... there are many ayahs in the Qur'an to support this as there are numerous hadiths available.

and islam defines health as comprisng of mental/psychological, physical, social and spiritual wellbeing as compared to the WHO's definition of health which entails the first three aspects only. So essentially a balance of these aspects are required for a healthy life and that we cannot superficially define health as the absence of sickness only just as we don;t define life as the absence of death, rite?

the definition of health is further elaborated bearing in mind that within an individual, that health encompasses a lower limit and an upper limit..and that deviances from these can result in imbalance in health. And that there is also this concept of health potential that each muslim individual can achieve and strive for...to make up or help counter for the events in where our health declines, deteriorates or compromised...which lead to the formation of "health protection" and "health promotion" in contemporary society...presumably having gotten it's inspiration from the islamic model of health.

Furthermore, Islam emphasises on 2 aspects of medicine. one being curative medicine and the other being preventive medicine.( take note as these will be dealt with further later)


......

racey issues

truthfully there are racist sentiments everywhere you go and that undeniably one, in one's lifetime would encounter them in their faces or indirectly, through jokes, eavesdropping into other pple's conversation and or from the numerous other sources.
and that one can listen or read such remarks, and interpretate it in many ways than one, in light of one's personal experience(s) or encounters, or it could be something historically symbolical etc....
the reaction for example could be 1) react aggressively 2) not reacting at all 3) not reacting but bearing a grudge on the person who said it 4) counter the racist remark with a lame or clever racist remark(Newton's 3rd law) 5) take it as a joke 6) think bout the truth there is to the remark and humbly accept it on behalf of ur community or colour 7) to help in changing the mindset of the f^&%ing racist, through humble discussion etc 8) try to stray away from the "attributes" of ur community or colour defined by the racist(s), if u think there is some truth to it(refer to no. 6)
so yah for my part, i subscribe to point number 5. cause basically racists remarks are remarks of superficiality and personally not worth the time and effort of contemplation and that it just reflects the "not-being-able-to-utilise-the-cortical-functions-of-the-brain" ability of the MONKEY who says it....
obviously racists have personal or communal objectives, like fuelling hatred, disrupting peace, destroying harmony and etc!!
so yeah, the next time someone spews a plethora of racist remarks at you just give them that "i-don't give a damn" face and go, "oh really"....or "did your mama taught u any manners' hahaha...maybe that ought to give em a slap on their freaking faces......bloody idiots....
when in doubt, just remember the philosophy," fire and fire just adds up to the conflagration"... channel those remarks elsewhere....

what the hell am i talking about??

trouble? shoot?

the sucking thing about having to meet up with people is the fact that you have to anticipate what might be the harshness or the most fucked up attitude you can find and somethimes knowing that you woud have to put up with such crap - for whats the time worth- is really worth nothing at all!!
despite having saying that, it's not my experiences that have made me come down to such an end in opinion it's just that, i feel that such pple could actually make you learn more out of such ordeals. the impact- no matter how fucked up- they leave would be so stark that whenever you "reminesce" these times in the near future, you'll find -looking retrospectively- that you draw more strength and courage to actually face up to the challenge of meeting such difficult pple and how to handle them verbally, thru gestures and other non-verba communication cues and of course mentally - symbolically of course.

having mentioned 'handling' them, it's apt to actually highlight....things to look out for when meeting such"i-want-to-put-up-an-attitude-pple-and-i-don't-freaking-care-what-the-world-thinks-and-if-they-think-otherwise-i-don't-give-a-shit" pple

well first, if they don't give ya 2 fucks, you give them back the fuck-off attitude ( at this in time reader discretion maybe advised, and yah btw, i used the word fuck due to lack of alternative vocab)....
2ndly, ignore them while you can, and you'll be fine.....those pple i'm sure will start their "oh my gosh i'm getting the attention deficit vibes" withdrawal symptoms and put up with more.....don't worry this takes more practice to recognising such signs and symptoms....
3rdly, an attitude is an attitude and in this sense negative attitude is a negative attitude, you can try to help...or you could just pity the bugger cause the fella's gotta GET ON WITH HIS/HER liFE FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! sooner or later....( author's advice: choose the LATTER)
4thly, if the abovementioned idiot tries to impose his/her attitude on you or is at point where further toleration could lead to thoughts of possible attempted suicide at the San Francisco's suspension bridge 25 storeys high, then switch on the BITCH mode( works best at optimal conditions like PMS and in times of stress-overdose) and uncover the SNAPPY TURTLE(*) you hide within.
5thly, STRIKE.
6thly, if in doubt refer to step 1.....

(*)well just a guideline, different pple have different levels of tolerance and yes... available also in BASTARD and JERK modes.
Warning: excessive STRIKE can cause grievious hurt, but when in pain..just STRIKE BLINDLY.!!!

nothing much

had my clinical skills posting for a few weeks and the experience been awesome. the thing that bothered me was not what i got out of it, it's what i didn't get out of it!! cause the thing is or was, i didn't actually maximise my time optimally during the posting as i was caught up with dancing and all tat lepak crap!
i do belief that my patient doctor relationship is "NOt Bad", so to speak but then again, maybe i believe too much! better get on with reality.
those aside there's other plans to look forward to now that i have my hols- 3 weeks! i have this internship wit the local newspaper asking me to pen my thoughts on medical ethics and the islamic perspective in bioethics bal bla bla.... so consequently i have to like read up on the literature and give my two cents worth! also, have my dance to work on...realised that my technique is getting from bad to worse and that i'm bulking with fats these few weeks!so i've got to work on that...
arrghh and i forgot totally about my community project! more work!! i guess...sigh...

shit this things...but still...you've gotta do what u've gotta do....cliche..whaddaheck!!