the SPEECH!!
sometimes...i can help but wonder whatever the heck some girls think about....cos many a times i heard them bitch about the very thing that makes them go goo goo gah gah and oooHhhyyy: men, relationships and yah..on a totally different note: shopping!!
well i tried to crack my brain hard enough to actually write something off a girl's "perspective" about men and reltionships...based on the numerous one-on-one conversations and yah, eavesdropping ( i'd call it sherlock-holming around to be politically right!) i've been doing these past adolescent yrs and sum it up in a typically stereotyped, generalised manner all guys do...note: any girls reading this i've declared my disclaimer in typing hahaha...
gal: relationship fucking sucks!! they really do!! and they suck hard! and sometimes in the middle of the freaking night whn my room is as dark as death and the sheets are as cold as a 5-day-old corpse i would go thinking or wondering :::" all i ever wanted was to be someone's "LADY", want to be attended to, to be adored, admired, be somebodys squeeze......etc...note this can go on...until eventually..........
all the wheezing from the overly exagerrated bollywood drama slaps her in her face and shocks her into the "relationship reality" and realize that...from here there'll be 2 divergent course of action.....i'll go on to the first and maybe the typical one!!
first....they'll go curling up hugging their oh-so-favourite pillow bellowing as if she's in swan lake the movie or more like the ugly duckling lost in a making of Alice in wonderland: and she goes on and on....and on...and on...that her world crumbles( as if) and that the world is unfair and at this point if pms is iminent or they're already having one....a plethora of never seen or heard b4 profanities got unleashed from the "abyss of the throat of the "bitch"...like Lucifer having got his freedom from being tied up in chains for a whole fraking month!! and yah u add the details....
ok the second course of action will/ will not be normally taken but hey....it's true too....
ok she gets a shock and realize,.....
that the empty side of her bed does not fart, does not sodomise her during her "ordeal", does not wrestle her to the floor and pin her and then straddle her making her do the Spit torture( i call it hahaha...the kudini...don't ask me why!!): dripping saliva out of its mouth over her face, sucking it up and dribbling it out over and over again, and finally dropping it to her right!! and later finally, godammit!! realise it's NOT a MAN!!!
then they'll console themselves by going..."i want a man as nice as my retarded dog, one that doesn't crap on the floor. i want a man who cheats on me once in a while and who'll call me once a week. i want a man who is not confused about his sexual identity. i want a man who has never heard of or PRACTISED the SPEECH!!".....then they'll go..."SHIT!! i'll never find tat man. or hes never been born!"
tis is followed by a transient period of daydreaming and a nostalgic buzzing in the ear and a quick flash back of what happened b4 the "ordeal"...which may / may not have gone someting like this.....
Guy, clearing his throat," i am not ready and will not be ready to get actively involved with anyone for at least 3 to 5 yrs."
gal: "why not? (knowing that the relationship has lasted for aprrox 5 mths) are u going to prison?"
guy: " no. what i'm saying is that i'm not ready to commit to anything, either way"
gal: "either way? u mean u can or cannot commit to commiting or not commiting? ( groWing suspicious and confused by the minute).....(silence)... are u giving me THE SPEECH?"
guy: i think we should concentrate more on the 'friends' part of -well, u know!"
gal(suspicions confirmed and gasped!!) : u ARE giving me the SPEECH! u just gave me the SPEECH! that Was the SPEECH!!
so yah,....she thought "i got the speech"..and goes on thinking she's at the lowest point in life, like she'd thrown a ballooon full of hopes and dreams into a cactus! and that she'l go thinking that she's such a small insignificant specimen that she could probably mate with herself, and ponders about that being a good/terrific sexual advantage!! hahaha....
she'll either set anythig on fire, practice voodoo or listen to Elton John classix. or not!
the next day, or the night itslef she'll call a friend or ME!!
me: "how's it going?"
her; well i got the SPEECH....yest/today..
me( pretending to sound concerned): Oh nO!! NOT the SPEECH!, did he used the "F" word on you?"
her( nodding): yep....he said Friends.....no..he said.."we're just frens!!
then maybe she'll keep quiet thinking how men learned about the SPEECH!...maybe they learned in during PE when the pe teacher talks to them to say it over and over again....and it goes along the lines of....." ok now how does it go?.....it goes..." u're a cool girl and i like hanging out with u but i'm not ready to um- that big word- commitment to one person and i think we need to be....we need to be....."
"man tis is the impt part man!!! The 'F' word man!! the "F' word!!"
" oh yeah u tell the chick u wanna be frens! but u don't mean it do you?"
" no. a chick won't let u nail her if she knows she's not even a fren!!"
or maybe....the SPEECH is a programme or computer chip so small that it can be implanted in every baby boy's dick as soon as he is born going..."there are things out there with uteruses, son...so u're going to need this!"
at this point someone would interrupt her long lost mind...or buy her a drink or talk it over with her....not making her miserable
then again she might also be pissed off with God for making her a heterosexual female, and she;ll go swearing that the next time she Heard the SPEECH..she'll FIX it....or she'll go: my gosh..maybe there won't be next time!!
bleah....
well i tried to crack my brain hard enough to actually write something off a girl's "perspective" about men and reltionships...based on the numerous one-on-one conversations and yah, eavesdropping ( i'd call it sherlock-holming around to be politically right!) i've been doing these past adolescent yrs and sum it up in a typically stereotyped, generalised manner all guys do...note: any girls reading this i've declared my disclaimer in typing hahaha...
gal: relationship fucking sucks!! they really do!! and they suck hard! and sometimes in the middle of the freaking night whn my room is as dark as death and the sheets are as cold as a 5-day-old corpse i would go thinking or wondering :::" all i ever wanted was to be someone's "LADY", want to be attended to, to be adored, admired, be somebodys squeeze......etc...note this can go on...until eventually..........
all the wheezing from the overly exagerrated bollywood drama slaps her in her face and shocks her into the "relationship reality" and realize that...from here there'll be 2 divergent course of action.....i'll go on to the first and maybe the typical one!!
first....they'll go curling up hugging their oh-so-favourite pillow bellowing as if she's in swan lake the movie or more like the ugly duckling lost in a making of Alice in wonderland: and she goes on and on....and on...and on...that her world crumbles( as if) and that the world is unfair and at this point if pms is iminent or they're already having one....a plethora of never seen or heard b4 profanities got unleashed from the "abyss of the throat of the "bitch"...like Lucifer having got his freedom from being tied up in chains for a whole fraking month!! and yah u add the details....
ok the second course of action will/ will not be normally taken but hey....it's true too....
ok she gets a shock and realize,.....
that the empty side of her bed does not fart, does not sodomise her during her "ordeal", does not wrestle her to the floor and pin her and then straddle her making her do the Spit torture( i call it hahaha...the kudini...don't ask me why!!): dripping saliva out of its mouth over her face, sucking it up and dribbling it out over and over again, and finally dropping it to her right!! and later finally, godammit!! realise it's NOT a MAN!!!
then they'll console themselves by going..."i want a man as nice as my retarded dog, one that doesn't crap on the floor. i want a man who cheats on me once in a while and who'll call me once a week. i want a man who is not confused about his sexual identity. i want a man who has never heard of or PRACTISED the SPEECH!!".....then they'll go..."SHIT!! i'll never find tat man. or hes never been born!"
tis is followed by a transient period of daydreaming and a nostalgic buzzing in the ear and a quick flash back of what happened b4 the "ordeal"...which may / may not have gone someting like this.....
Guy, clearing his throat," i am not ready and will not be ready to get actively involved with anyone for at least 3 to 5 yrs."
gal: "why not? (knowing that the relationship has lasted for aprrox 5 mths) are u going to prison?"
guy: " no. what i'm saying is that i'm not ready to commit to anything, either way"
gal: "either way? u mean u can or cannot commit to commiting or not commiting? ( groWing suspicious and confused by the minute).....(silence)... are u giving me THE SPEECH?"
guy: i think we should concentrate more on the 'friends' part of -well, u know!"
gal(suspicions confirmed and gasped!!) : u ARE giving me the SPEECH! u just gave me the SPEECH! that Was the SPEECH!!
so yah,....she thought "i got the speech"..and goes on thinking she's at the lowest point in life, like she'd thrown a ballooon full of hopes and dreams into a cactus! and that she'l go thinking that she's such a small insignificant specimen that she could probably mate with herself, and ponders about that being a good/terrific sexual advantage!! hahaha....
she'll either set anythig on fire, practice voodoo or listen to Elton John classix. or not!
the next day, or the night itslef she'll call a friend or ME!!
me: "how's it going?"
her; well i got the SPEECH....yest/today..
me( pretending to sound concerned): Oh nO!! NOT the SPEECH!, did he used the "F" word on you?"
her( nodding): yep....he said Friends.....no..he said.."we're just frens!!
then maybe she'll keep quiet thinking how men learned about the SPEECH!...maybe they learned in during PE when the pe teacher talks to them to say it over and over again....and it goes along the lines of....." ok now how does it go?.....it goes..." u're a cool girl and i like hanging out with u but i'm not ready to um- that big word- commitment to one person and i think we need to be....we need to be....."
"man tis is the impt part man!!! The 'F' word man!! the "F' word!!"
" oh yeah u tell the chick u wanna be frens! but u don't mean it do you?"
" no. a chick won't let u nail her if she knows she's not even a fren!!"
or maybe....the SPEECH is a programme or computer chip so small that it can be implanted in every baby boy's dick as soon as he is born going..."there are things out there with uteruses, son...so u're going to need this!"
at this point someone would interrupt her long lost mind...or buy her a drink or talk it over with her....not making her miserable
then again she might also be pissed off with God for making her a heterosexual female, and she;ll go swearing that the next time she Heard the SPEECH..she'll FIX it....or she'll go: my gosh..maybe there won't be next time!!
bleah....
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home