on actions and reactions
the thing about being a student and a young adult at the same time is the very fact taht at times hormones and intellect have conflicts or at times at war with one another. you see i'm not talking about the itchy-bitchy-lovey-dovey thing called love but being me, in a more realistic, pragmatic and emphatic way. events spark emotions and this cause hormones to rage and when ur hormones rage they take control of the very thing that young males, whether they know it or not, are totally dependent on; their intellect or if tragic, their lack of it.
take for example one time when an old lady "tried" to ask me a few questions about directions to this certain place, i couldn't understand what she was mumbling really and i'm not hearing impaired not even close and neither do i have receptive and expressive language deficits, so what i'm trying to say is she's impossible (then again u might think i'm a bloody biased bastard who gives only his "misogynistic" side of the fucking story; i'll gladly show you the lady)!! so after like 3 minutes of trying to decipher her "Fill-in-ur-language-of-choice", i gave up and was there trapped with an old lady, who was not becoming slightly (i'm too kind!) frustrated at MY inability to reciprocate her "concerns"; hence the beginning of the prodomal stage of "the" EVENT. then she started to lash out words at me highlighting how unfriendly i was and all that crap about i'm so dumb so as not to be able to understand her...possiby even suggesting the notion that i'm racist and do not want to help her (at this point in time i might say she's schizo cause i can't find associations to her damn "lecture"). so there i was trying to calm her down and tell her that it's ok you know maybe i'll walk with you there, which apparently wasn't fine with her and she started again her paroxyms of verbal incontinence and at times brandishing her "fill-in-the-brand" umbrella at me! i was like ok!! she's turning violent....but still i was like ok this old lady has got issues of her own let's not provoke her or she'll turn into lucifer himself. and so the bearing continued until she said the ultimate phrase," that i was a no good racist bastard!". At this point in time i was gasping (not for air but you know the kind of stuff those bitches/sluts do on television with your hand on your chest and mouth wide open; yep that's me). i was reduced to a word called "bastard". i mean how dare she. so there goes my hormones, finding its way out of the multiple endocrine glands thru the million pores exudating my very essence into the blood where with the help of my already chronotropic heart, raced everywhere to the ends of my capillaries. but it did not stop there, apparently the "hormones" overrided the intellectual coping mechanism of deep breaths deep breaths or the Yoda-ic mantra of "anger leads to hate, hate leads to.....". Explosion! that was the very thing that happened, and it happened tere and then, at the very alleyway connecting block 4 and 5 at SIngapore General Hospital...i lashed back at the lady, with admonitions, anger stained words that were beyond my capability of saying! "sob sob" she started crying, i walked away feeling satisfied at my so called victory, my triumph over the possibly frustration-induced luciferization of the lady and i felt good having truncating it!! hahahaha....but the laughter, the triumph was transient and later maybe a bit too "later" i came to realization too late. it bites, it pinches and it basically sucks and the guilt you carry around whereever you go.
so what now?
Einstein was right in that aspect! i'll need more coping abilities when it comes to these kinda stuff. and yes u don't have to be EInstein to know that you can't let hormones drive the action and let the intellect receive the reaction! this is serious shit!
what the heck?
take for example one time when an old lady "tried" to ask me a few questions about directions to this certain place, i couldn't understand what she was mumbling really and i'm not hearing impaired not even close and neither do i have receptive and expressive language deficits, so what i'm trying to say is she's impossible (then again u might think i'm a bloody biased bastard who gives only his "misogynistic" side of the fucking story; i'll gladly show you the lady)!! so after like 3 minutes of trying to decipher her "Fill-in-ur-language-of-choice", i gave up and was there trapped with an old lady, who was not becoming slightly (i'm too kind!) frustrated at MY inability to reciprocate her "concerns"; hence the beginning of the prodomal stage of "the" EVENT. then she started to lash out words at me highlighting how unfriendly i was and all that crap about i'm so dumb so as not to be able to understand her...possiby even suggesting the notion that i'm racist and do not want to help her (at this point in time i might say she's schizo cause i can't find associations to her damn "lecture"). so there i was trying to calm her down and tell her that it's ok you know maybe i'll walk with you there, which apparently wasn't fine with her and she started again her paroxyms of verbal incontinence and at times brandishing her "fill-in-the-brand" umbrella at me! i was like ok!! she's turning violent....but still i was like ok this old lady has got issues of her own let's not provoke her or she'll turn into lucifer himself. and so the bearing continued until she said the ultimate phrase," that i was a no good racist bastard!". At this point in time i was gasping (not for air but you know the kind of stuff those bitches/sluts do on television with your hand on your chest and mouth wide open; yep that's me). i was reduced to a word called "bastard". i mean how dare she. so there goes my hormones, finding its way out of the multiple endocrine glands thru the million pores exudating my very essence into the blood where with the help of my already chronotropic heart, raced everywhere to the ends of my capillaries. but it did not stop there, apparently the "hormones" overrided the intellectual coping mechanism of deep breaths deep breaths or the Yoda-ic mantra of "anger leads to hate, hate leads to.....". Explosion! that was the very thing that happened, and it happened tere and then, at the very alleyway connecting block 4 and 5 at SIngapore General Hospital...i lashed back at the lady, with admonitions, anger stained words that were beyond my capability of saying! "sob sob" she started crying, i walked away feeling satisfied at my so called victory, my triumph over the possibly frustration-induced luciferization of the lady and i felt good having truncating it!! hahahaha....but the laughter, the triumph was transient and later maybe a bit too "later" i came to realization too late. it bites, it pinches and it basically sucks and the guilt you carry around whereever you go.
so what now?
Einstein was right in that aspect! i'll need more coping abilities when it comes to these kinda stuff. and yes u don't have to be EInstein to know that you can't let hormones drive the action and let the intellect receive the reaction! this is serious shit!
what the heck?
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