The Official Guide to Becoming A Mat
ok i got this from a fellow Mat. hahaha..this sounds damn cool....he's got an official MAt guide...
"gosh, here's the light that i've been waiting for all this time...sheesh..it's finally here"...damn it! not that i'm going to abide by it..at least not at the moment.....;p
The Official Guide to Becoming A Mat
You were always afraid to admit it, but you know you've been waiting your whole life for this! That's right! Ridjal.org's Official Guide to Becoming a Mat, from the veteran Matdonald hisself! Who's your mamat? Who's your mamat?? (er.. you don't have to answer that..)
01. Grow the Mat moustache.The numero uno golden rule for becoming a Mat: the moustache. It takes the average mat five years to summon these upper lip follicles and when they do sprout, like some malnourished beansprouts, they will be treated like gold and groomed every waking hour of his life. The Mat moustache is 0.03mm high (thinner than half a slice of cheese) and 15cm in length (non-negotiable). The Mat moustache is not to be confused with the Minah moustache, which is described in further detail in another story.
02. Wear the DenimNo Mat is complete without his denim. This apparel is so ubiquitous with the culture of Matism that it even spawned the famous Denimat Bujang Bapok series. We are not talking just about jeans here. The Mat is compelled to own at least 3 different denim shirts in his wardrobe. His pencilbox must also be made of denim. When possible, the Mat must also try to selit in the word 'denim' in his daily dialogue. eg: "Denim punya muka macam nak kena rembat siak!"
03. The Golden Monkey fringe.When you see a Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe for the first time, your knees will simply freeze and a trail of fresh goosebumps will spread down your back like molten lava. Such is the awe and reverence that this fringe will inspire in the common man. The Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe is highly respected in his community. If he was spotted eating at Burger King, lesser Mats would come to meet him and talk in hushed tones to ask him for favours. At the end of these meetings, they would bend and kiss his Onion ring. And the Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe would simply lean back in his seat and mouth, "Don't worry, Jimmy. I'll handle it."The secret of the Golden Monkey Mat is well-kept and lesser Mats will need twenty years to master this level of Matdom. At the end of this twenty years, they will need to do a two-month internship of meditation at the top of Mat Everest. Upon completion of this course, they will receive their Masters of Applied Terpalingkentalismology parchment. They can also use the title of M(AT) after their names.
04. Location Location Location.The successfool Mat knows that being in the right place at the right time will ensure his longevity and secure future generations of Mats to exist and thrive within our country. Thus, he will be wise enough to study the geography and history of Matdom.The Mat will strategically position himself at key areas. In-depth research by our covert team of PODAH analysts has managed to unearth these areas. 1) Tampines Interchange.2) Geylang Serai. (there is a temple in Bali where there are thousands of monkeys running around. busloads of tourists will go to visit this temple and marvel at the monkeys. if only they knew that during the fasting month, we in Singapore have the exact same thing at Joo Chiat Centre..)3) One particular void deck in Yishun, where our sources informed us that the hungurious hippopotamial King of Mats reside.
.....to be continued.....
"gosh, here's the light that i've been waiting for all this time...sheesh..it's finally here"...damn it! not that i'm going to abide by it..at least not at the moment.....;p
The Official Guide to Becoming A Mat
You were always afraid to admit it, but you know you've been waiting your whole life for this! That's right! Ridjal.org's Official Guide to Becoming a Mat, from the veteran Matdonald hisself! Who's your mamat? Who's your mamat?? (er.. you don't have to answer that..)
01. Grow the Mat moustache.The numero uno golden rule for becoming a Mat: the moustache. It takes the average mat five years to summon these upper lip follicles and when they do sprout, like some malnourished beansprouts, they will be treated like gold and groomed every waking hour of his life. The Mat moustache is 0.03mm high (thinner than half a slice of cheese) and 15cm in length (non-negotiable). The Mat moustache is not to be confused with the Minah moustache, which is described in further detail in another story.
02. Wear the DenimNo Mat is complete without his denim. This apparel is so ubiquitous with the culture of Matism that it even spawned the famous Denimat Bujang Bapok series. We are not talking just about jeans here. The Mat is compelled to own at least 3 different denim shirts in his wardrobe. His pencilbox must also be made of denim. When possible, the Mat must also try to selit in the word 'denim' in his daily dialogue. eg: "Denim punya muka macam nak kena rembat siak!"
03. The Golden Monkey fringe.When you see a Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe for the first time, your knees will simply freeze and a trail of fresh goosebumps will spread down your back like molten lava. Such is the awe and reverence that this fringe will inspire in the common man. The Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe is highly respected in his community. If he was spotted eating at Burger King, lesser Mats would come to meet him and talk in hushed tones to ask him for favours. At the end of these meetings, they would bend and kiss his Onion ring. And the Mat with the Golden Monkey fringe would simply lean back in his seat and mouth, "Don't worry, Jimmy. I'll handle it."The secret of the Golden Monkey Mat is well-kept and lesser Mats will need twenty years to master this level of Matdom. At the end of this twenty years, they will need to do a two-month internship of meditation at the top of Mat Everest. Upon completion of this course, they will receive their Masters of Applied Terpalingkentalismology parchment. They can also use the title of M(AT) after their names.
04. Location Location Location.The successfool Mat knows that being in the right place at the right time will ensure his longevity and secure future generations of Mats to exist and thrive within our country. Thus, he will be wise enough to study the geography and history of Matdom.The Mat will strategically position himself at key areas. In-depth research by our covert team of PODAH analysts has managed to unearth these areas. 1) Tampines Interchange.2) Geylang Serai. (there is a temple in Bali where there are thousands of monkeys running around. busloads of tourists will go to visit this temple and marvel at the monkeys. if only they knew that during the fasting month, we in Singapore have the exact same thing at Joo Chiat Centre..)3) One particular void deck in Yishun, where our sources informed us that the hungurious hippopotamial King of Mats reside.
.....to be continued.....
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