it doesn't help that i have exams coming up end of the month and there's 3 yrs of stuf to study and that there is so many things i wanna do. and have not been very productive too. i have an inertia problem and it's aggravated by the fact that i get distracted easily- point proven- look what i am doing now. and mr. robbins the pathology textbook is staring at me and all my untouched, unflipped, unread notes are giving me guilty looks of procrastination. there's so many things to read! i'll just spot qns i guess- wat's new.
many events and gossips about the happenings here and there got me thinking about people's bo chup-ness and apathy and that revealed some similarties between myself and them. somehow i feel that i have to have years to catch up with these things and sometimes i feel disengagement would be better but washing hands clean and evading unwritten responsibilities or rather, not helping out when u can with whatever resource u have could be well, irresponsible- to say the least. then again, i dont wanna get affected, but this thought antagonises the virtue of righteous altruism and therefore even if i dont do anything i get affected, cause i'll reminiesce, and sometimes i share peoples' sentiments, their predicaments having come from the same background and having gone through similar trials and tribulations, while for other experiences i just emphatise, not just actually, sometimes i add my own little opinions and be judgmental and all that- hey i'm human too k. despite that i still don't know what practical things to do. not even what to think of all these complexities of (cliche) human behaviour, and i wonder how those psychiatrist deal wit their lives after being bombarded with the turmoil of others.
then there's the relationship errr (segment?/section?/twist?) i dunno. and there's so many depressed people going around. i can't generalise depress people they are depressed for any diferent a reason, sometimes the trivialest ones like chipped my nails. but i know sometimes they try to cope, somehow and most times some pull through and move on. and as i said, things like these made me think too. of many things that could be depression inducing, in my life( well it's my blog ain't it?), which you won't know what and for somethings already here and part of ur life, u don't know when things are gg to happen and how. and that bit of uncertainty leaves u insecure and sometimes helpless, but u still think about it and it gets into a vicious cycle of feeding into it elements of hate, joy, sorrow everytime u recollect and well it sucks. sometimes u wish the world could do with a little bit more certainty and more consistency- when it comes to whatever. but then we'd be creatures with eyes to see, mouth the speak, tongues to taste, nose to smell, ears to hear, skin to touch but no brains to think. but at times i wished i hadn't think too much.