Thursday, March 03, 2005

beacon up!

i get into a frenzy sometimes, like dancing when u're not supposed to tire urself and do something like something instead. "yah, dude you're wasting ur time dude, what's up with the dancing prancing all that. and wassup wit the V.S. Naipaul shit, he's not even a mUslim and u're reading his 'report'.Eh c'mon be more productive can?", my friend laments for me. I see half the population of unfriendly medical students who go bout their business and walking around like little mobile islands of people oblivious to the civilisation surrounding. when it comes to cracking conversations medical student are the worse!

"eh hi, studying ah?"
Me: "sort of, still going through half my notes i.e. DUH"
"aiyah i also leh like never ending one hor. i cant seem to remember whatever i studied, how ar? eh how u study one ah. You think we must study the benzodiazepines and health promotion and behaviour or not? I scared later come out leh. How ah?"
Me: "not sure, but i think they want us to be comprehensive in our revision."
'aiyah, i not like u lah so smart, no time to revise everything leh. anyway, have u checked the results for the computed scores for all the family medicine CAs combined, it's out already. 40% you know... think i did quite bad leh. i got 72 that's like 28.8%. have u checked urs how much did u get?"
Me: 78.. not so bad lah considering i mug quite a lot....(haven't finish yet)
"wah 6 more than me. how come ah? i know i didn;t fail my tests leh and my community project group not so bad leh, aiyah don't know lah, they give scores also never break down one!"
Me (getting tired of this conversation): "yah too bad lah sometimes like THAT ONE LOR, maybe u screwed up your report."
"wah i feel like i cannot get A already leh for COFM (community, occupational and family medicine), i've been trying to get one A in med school and i was hoping that i could get it from COFM. but u score higher than me leh, and i saw only like 20% get 75 and above."
Me(already flabbergasted by the fact that he knows the proportion of people with the score range): "eh Aiyah i gotta go for dance now lah, i'll see you later lah hor. talk to you some time all the best."

so you see there's no "life" in conversations or maybe it's the exams period but then again when it's not the same thing happens, even in the hospitals. here's one sample conversation when i meet another no-life medical student during hospital postings:
"eh hi Taufik!"
Me (reluctant): hhhheeeeyy......yyyyy...
"where u going to so early in da morning? 7.30 only u know.
Me (is this guy kidding me, so WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?): "oh i've got ward rounds to attend over at 55"
"wah so onzzz one ah, i heard no one goes for these kinda things one lor, anyway the doctor over at 55, the consultant's a bitch one, she'll keep asking you questions that u can't answer"
Me (puzzled): well isn't that how u learn? so what are u doing here?
"oh i'm attending the mortality and morbidity rounds at surgery department 2nd floor, oh yah i forgot to ask u what posting u doing now?'
me: Endocrinology for the week
"wah, so specific one ah, anyway u should try to....bla bla bla (by the time i heard this)"
me (looking at my watch, thank god! i won one): eh i have to go i'll be late, she's gonna kill me
"she will one lor!!"

again no life. the thing about medical students is they have intrinsic propensity to ask someone, "what posting u doing now?" like that's our,"good morning or how are you?" somehow they can tell how u'll be by which posting u're doing, Amazing people weird brains.
talking about weirdos, nowadays, jokes are not normal anymore, "they" use medical terms to crack jokes. funny as they seem, i can't help but reflect that after these 3 years, despite not knowing half my classmates (we're a small batch) personally or worse! can't even recognise them, i have to one day stick with these people for the REST OF MY CAREER. then i started to panic. but making friends wasn't the answer. the answer has always been in the medical system, now and then and in the future. no point knowing people when knowing them means knowing some people who know some people who know some people who can help you get to the top.
Medicine is competitive. period. being competitive is not the objective says the dean. whatever that means. the reality it exist, in every strata of the medical society.striving for good grades, for better prospects, professorships and all that. and somehow, i feel it. while i can empatise i don't subscribe to such notion. true u have to cmpete to survive. so what's at stake? i don't know i'll find out sooner or later, definitely too late.
so making frens in medicine is a chore, for yes you can talk or discuss about the latest advancement in SARS therapeutics or surgical latest feats, but all the time? No way. there;s so many people and things out there to knwo about and talk to. of course there are medical students and doctors who are NOT the conformist; people like Oriana, Sharier, Matthew, Taufiq, Derek etc² but i never (really!) to actually get to know them as to delve into their interests and passions. so it's my lost somehow. either way, i'm still happy the state i am today.
on totally different thing altogether, i 've been studing all this medicine thing and that i regurgitate the principles of educating the public but have not done it as yet. maybe i should be more proactive promoting health here on the net instead. you reckon?
maybe, the beacon lights up the path ahead for everyone to tread, so who lights up the beacon?
Me, i guess. duh! no one's going to reply right? haaaahahhaaa.......

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